I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
