I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
