just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
