When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
