thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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