Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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