Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
