Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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