from now on my penis is your penis
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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