Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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