you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
