Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
