I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
