I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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