Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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