i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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