my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Sext me about skeletons
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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