cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
