Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
not ubering you a puppy
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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