gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
