you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
