you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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