did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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