I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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