he puts the penis in happiness.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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