I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
