I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
vagina is talking i cant
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You've changed since you got that strap on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
