if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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