i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
