Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
