after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
