I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
