Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
