Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
