So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
