I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
