I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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