your thong is hanging out like whoa
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
