I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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