While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
