btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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