Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
