I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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