Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You ruined the universe
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
