The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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