somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
