arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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