This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
