It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
