just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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